Under Pressure

Nowadays we are consumed by the media to have a life that's 'perfect', and lets be honest... That's impossible right?

Believe it or not, I get jealous about the women on films and programs who give birth (within 5 minuets) and have the 'simple' life with the house being tidy, big house, friends who come over for wine, have time to bake cakes and end up being size 6 in a day.

Oh my god.

Wouldn't that be great?

And look f***ing awesome EVERYDAY?

Yes.

......

But that isn't true is it?

Well, no it isn't.

And if you're that?

I hate you.

But I do envy people who CAN put together their careers and being a parent.

Take Amanda Palmer for example,

I follow her Instagram and she is just awesome. She does things her way and her little boy is beautiful.

She posts her singing and doing her concerts!

Me?

I take a photo and I will get the screams because I've literally looked away from Bonnie for a minuet.

Fun fact! I HAVE to get dressed in the living room because Boniver knows I'm there and she won't scream.

I literally run to the bathroom to put up my hair and rum tinted moisturiser (because who has time to look contoured when you have a screaming baby?).

So I have to dream to have a life as a successful performer.

Because I've lost my light to things I use to want to be

yet I do have my love for it that sparks every so often...

and I deeply envy those who can do it

Not tied down.

But I guess I have to wait for my next life to know what I want to do..

And so, arguing constantly with myself in my head,

I keep asking

"Who the F*** am I?"...

And get depressed because I really and honestly don't know.