More Wine Please!

© David Shrigley, Untitled, 2005, Ink on paper

I have a taboo subject that I have wanter to state, and I didn't know how to go about doing it.

Because if I upset people, then they don't have to talk to me (like how it is) or just not be my friend.

And believe it or not,

I am not on the wine!

Why?

Because I'd rather have chocolate.

... And people are worrying about me becoming an alcoholic.

Like the likely chances of that happening? HAHAHAHAH!

So, I would like to talk about friends.

And only one person has over highlights this topic at how friends disappear when you have a baby.

Fact.

And this woman shared her status on Facebook and got about 11k shares?

So it defiantly must be true.

And I never thought that this could be true,

I mean, I know people have their own lives to lead?

Yes.

But I never thought it would happen to me.

I have always tried my best with people,

and I have ran miles (not literally) for people.

One message, and I was there.

A message from someone saying something is wrong with a friend,

I will call and make sure everything is fine.

I could very well be jealous.

Well, no, actually, I am.

I'm jealous at the fact that people can go out willy nilly and have a good day.

And I, I get scared of going out and then again, I can't stand staying in (I'm alone when Andy is at work).

Like this morning,

I was thinking, I should go and see a friend,

I planned everything and then suddenly,

WAMO!

Doubt swallowed me whole.

Maybe she doesn't like me anymore?

maybe she wants to hang out with her friends?

Maybe I freak out in the middle of town?

What if I get so worked up that I don't know what the f*** to do?

Maybe I shouldn't go..

And Boniver decided to crave attention and scream if I had to go into the other room.

So I couldn't get ready.

And to be honest, I was going to delete Facebook.

Because I was getting so worked up with jealousy and I just couldn't cope.

And I faced defeat.

I wanted to leave the area.

I still do.

But I'd miss my family far far too much.

And what angers me is this depression causes all the problems.

And when I fell pregnant, everyone was all happy

And then did things without me.

Went places without me.

Maybe I have become boring?

I hardly keep in touch with friends that I would hang with at school, uni and college.

Is it me?

Because I would love people who said they'll be there to talk to me.

And I want to make the effort.

I really do.

And everyone else keeps telling me I should make the first move.

But I don't know where I now stand.

But just be aware, that if I did/do cancel on you, it's my anxiety.

That's why I like to drink wine.